


Love That Is Bad

by BruhMonument



Category: Tears for Fears (Band)
Genre: M/M, Self-Denial, Slow Burn, Sort Of, affair, elemental era, roland doesnt think hes gay but like, yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:13:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25363669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BruhMonument/pseuds/BruhMonument
Summary: Roland is drawing a blank on new content for the first Tears For Fears album by himself. After thinking about his past with Curt in attempts to get some inspiration, he realizes that he is in love with him, but how could he be in love with a man when he has a wife?
Relationships: Roland Orzabal/Curt Smith
Comments: 36
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of a self-indulgent fic, not really trying to offend I guess with the whole affair thing. Pls don't kill me LMAO

Roland slumps in his chair, thoughts racing in his mind. He’s thinking about the new Tears For Fears album and what it should entail. The fans are used to melodramatic and occasionally depressing lyrics like the ones on The Hurting. He impatiently taps his pen on the desk in hopes that his mind can clear up. The sound of a kettle screaming snaps him out of his thoughts, he gets up and trudges to the stove in his home studio. While stirring his coffee, he looks out the window, it’s late at night and he has not solidified one single idea.   
He sighs and walks back to his desk, there are papers scattered everywhere and remnants of splattered ink on some of them from yesterday’s incident of chewing too hard on his pen. He sits and goes back into his thoughts. He contemplates what went wrong on the last album, was it all the guest musicians? The extravagancy of it all? What made Curt leave him? He massages his temples and groans. Curt left for New York about a year ago. Was it a year? The weeks and months were blurred, everything seemed to be going so fast now with his wife Caroline having a son.   
“Fuck.”  
Roland buries his hands in his face and lightly slaps his cheeks. He ran a hand through his straightened hair and grimaced at his creative block. Feeling like there was something missing. It didn’t feel like he wanted to do this anymore, he wanted some kind of motivation. How could he focus on new content when it felt like a part of him was missing. It wasn’t just that he didn’t have his musical partner but because he didn’t have his life-long friend. His soul mate even.  
His cheeks burned at the thought of the word… “soul mate”… The word had just poked its gross little head out without warning. Did he really think of Curt as a soul mate? Surely, there was no romance. No longing glances, mutual pining, lingering touches or even thoughts that would make either question their sexualities.   
Or was there…? Roland cleared his throat loudly in attempts to stop his train of thought from progressing to anywhere dangerous.   
“Shit.”  
It seems like all he could say at this rate were swear words. It was now impossible to even try to make any progress on new music with everything racing in his brain. He got up from his desk and walked to the sink and proceeded to dump out the rest of the coffee in his mug.   
“There must be something in these beans.” he chuckled to himself.  
He glanced at a clock on the wall, the hands read that it was just about to be 2 am. How long was he thinking about Curt? It felt like only a few moments but hours had passed. He sucked in air between his teeth and let his shoulders slump. He sat on the couch across the room that is usually reserved for naps, and started to let his thoughts go wild again. He laid down and stared at the ceiling, thinking. Thinking about his relationship with Curt, it’s not like that’s not how close friends feel about each other. The feeling that they were meant for each other and the feeling that they couldn’t live without one another. That must be normal. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, there is no way that he could possibly have romantic feelings for Curt. He tried to repeat this in his mind like some kind of command for his subconscious to stop making him think that he was ever in love with his childhood best friend. He had a wife and a child coming up for fucks sake. Curt even had a wife too! So even if at the very off and preposterous chance that Roland was actually in love with Curt those feelings would never be reciprocated. So there was no use in wasting precious time being in love with someone who would never in a million years.  
He frowned at this revelation, but why? Why would he be sad that he and Curt could never have a romantic relationship? His eyes started to sting and get blurry from the lack of sleep and the tears that are starting to well up. He got up as soon as he realized he was crying, wiped the tears from his face with his sweatshirt and walked to the sink yet again. The smell of coffee was still lingering as he splashed his face with cold water, trying to wipe away the intrusive thoughts deep within his mind. Thinking he needed to just use the bathroom to clear his mind, he made his way to the door of the studio and proceeded to walk to the bathroom. He passed by his bedroom where his dearest Caroline slept and felt a rush of guilt and grief go through his body.   
‘Definitely can’t sleep there tonight.’ he shuddered and opened the door to the bathroom. He finished his business and washed his hands, he saw his reflection in the mirror. His hair was messy and there were still  
small patches of faded ink around his mouth. He looked like how he felt, a mess.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roland has a weird dream and gets inspired.

Curt held Roland’s hand while they sat in his studio. Curt spoke inaudible phrases but the expression he had told it all. He was confessing his love to the man who he had been the closest to all his life. Roland looked to the side and there was nothing, a void of black suddenly occupied the space they were sitting in. In a panic, Roland looked back to Curt but he was gone. The couch they were sitting on soon disappeared as well, Roland braced for a fall but it did not happen. He just floated there, aimlessly. Planets started coming into view and he soon started seeing a whole solar system form. The Sun was peculiar though, not a sphere but the shape of a head. It turned to show that the star was actually Curt. Roland’s eyes practically popped out of his skull as he saw the Sun Curt stare directly at him, he had a bright smile on his face that soon turned into a look of disdain and disgust.   
“You’re dreaming your life away…” The Sun said, and everything went to black.  
Roland snaps awake in a cold sweat and starts to feel around himself and his surroundings to see if everything is still intact. Swearing his way through processing his consciousness, Roland gets up and groans at the sharp pain in his head. It seems like he passed out on the couch in his studio, at least he didn’t sleep in the same bed as his wife after a night like that. He heard the muffled clamor of dishes from outside the studio and figured that Caroline must have been making breakfast, he straightened himself out and combed his hair with his hand. The aroma of freshly cooked food filled his nostrils and he smiled at the sight of his wife peacefully cooking. Caroline greeted Roland with a smile as he planted a gentle kiss on her forehead.   
“How’s your music doing darling?” Caroline asked as she split the eggs she was cooking onto two plates.   
“A little rough, you could probably tell by the fact that I stayed in the studio all night” Roland explained “…sorry about that, love.”  
“Oh it’s fine” Caroline reassured “At least I know you were in the house and not with some floozy” she joked as she handed him a plate.  
“Of course not!” Roland laughed as well, but on the inside he shuddered at the fact that he might as well had been cheating on her because of how intimately he was thinking about Curt the night before. They both sat at the table and talked until they finished their meals. Roland helped clean as his wife got ready to go out.  
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” Caroline said as she put on her coat “I promise it won’t be a bore!” Roland shook his head as he put the last dish away.   
“I got an idea from a dream so I need to have it down before I forget” Roland dried his hands “I’ll definitely be sure to go with you next time, sweetheart.”  
“Well alright…” Caroline said her goodbyes and left. Roland’s posture and face immediately drooped. He made his way through the house and decided a shower would help him relax. He gathered some clean clothes from his bedroom and headed to the bathroom. While letting the water run down his body, he thought about the dream he had.   
“You’re dreaming your life away…”   
He dwelled on what that phrase could possibly mean. It’s not like he was dreaming his life away. Then it clicked, the line was about Curt. Roland thought vindictively about his friend more as he finished up his shower.   
“He’s out of his element without me!” He told himself in the mirror as he tousled his dark hair. “He’s a fish out of water out there in America!” There it was, the idea he’s been looking for this whole time. That was his motivation, Curt, even if it was negative. He found what he could write about. He thought more about Curt and went back into the state he was in last night. Soon his mind raced and thought about what he had said about them not having any sort of romantic moments, a completely false statement made by him just to try to get Curt out of his head. He thought about how intimate they were at times, sleeping in the same beds sometimes and the moments where one comforted the other just by holding them close and tenderly. That was the romance. That was what made Roland’s mind race. As he put on his clothes, he thought more and more about his friend, all the perfect features on his perfectly tanned face. Those pretty lips, defined nose and his body that wasn’t super toned but was still beautiful in his eyes. He glanced at himself in the mirror again and his cheeks were a rosy red.   
“God, I’m blushing like some kind of immature school girl.” Roland scrunched up his face and put on a clean shirt and left the bathroom, he was lucky that Caroline left, seeing his wife after daydreaming about a man would be detrimental. He paced around the house in attempts to sort out any lyrics from the thoughts he had in the shower and thanks to that dream. He finally sifted through his thoughts properly and practically ran to his studio to write down what he had created.  
‘You always said you were the compassionate one  
But now you’re laughing at the sun  
With all your high class friends you think you’ve got it made  
The only thing you made was that tanned look on your face  
With all your cigarettes and fancy cars  
You ain’t a clue who or what you are  
You’re dreaming your life away  
Fish out of water’  
Roland worked out the instrumentals all day, completely ignoring anything that was outside his studio.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roland goes on a walk and thinks about Curt some more.

Roland woke up in his bedroom, it was still dark out. The night before was a blur but it seems like Caroline must have gotten him into bed somehow. He rolled over to hold his wife, he felt cold, not temperature wise but sort of in his heart. It felt wrong. He felt wrong.   
Roland finally woke up in the morning, Caroline still in his arms. As his eyes adjusted to the light, his wife started to wake up as well.   
“Good morning, sweetheart.” Roland whispered to Caroline. Caroline grunted a little as a response to his greeting and shifted around in the sheets more. They stayed still in bed for a few more minutes until Roland started to develop a pit in his stomach. He started to think about Curt again. The intimate memories of Curt holding Roland gently as he sobbed about his latest sorrows.  
Roland left his wife in bed after telling her that he was going to take a walk around the town. He put on his coat, took a small notebook and pen, and stepped out of the house. Walking through the streets, he thought about his wife. He loved her, right? Why did he feel himself growing colder and colder to her? The buildings passed him by as he strolled through the sidewalk. It was autumn, so there was a crisp breeze that nipped at Roland’s nose, causing him to shake a bit. Looking at the window displays of the shops he passed by, boutiques, books and movie stores. Roland’s mind was still very occupied by Curt. The dream he had the other night still ate at his brain, questions about that dream still hadn’t been answered. Why did Curt look like he was confessing to him? What made their surroundings disappear? Why was Curt the sun in that solar system?   
Roland sat on a bench in a fairly empty park, he opened up the small notebook that he took with him. He started to write down some lines. Sketches started to appear as he drew a crude doodle of the Sun Curt he saw in his dream. The idea of Curt being the Sun fascinated him, the concept of Curt being the body that the solar system orbited around made him think about what his subconscious was trying to tell him with that dream. Was the message that Curt was what his life revolved around? Was Curt the Sun to his Moon?  
Roland wrote and drew more and twilight came upon him. He finally realized what time it was and nearly fell off of the bench. Caroline must be worried sick! He quickly tucked the notebook and pen in his pocket and started to speed walk back to his home. Drops of rain started to appear on the cement and quickly started to pick up.  
“Shit!” Roland whispered to himself as he picked up his pace. A figure came into view as he nearly ran in the rain.   
“Roland!” the figure called out to him as it got closer. The figure ran towards Roland and he caught them in his arms, it was Caroline. “Oh Roland, where were you?!” she tightened her arms around him, she was shivering and soaked in rain.   
“Caroline” Roland spoke softly “I’m so sorry, I lost track of time…” They held each other for a bit longer before they separated and headed home. On the way home, Roland apologized profusely and explained that he wasn’t thinking about the time.  
When they arrived home, they dried each other’s hair off, laughing at how they got caught in the rain. When Caroline finished drying Roland’s hair, she planted a small kiss on his lips. Roland smiled and gently kissed her cheek.   
Dinner was prepared soon after.  
“You know”, Caroline started “you could have gotten a cold out there in the rain!” Roland picked at the food on his plate.  
“I said sorry!” he frowned and ate some of the greens on his plate. Caroline huffed and went on about how he should have at least taken her with him. “We’ll go out together this Friday, love.” Roland offered. Caroline excitedly accepted and they started to discuss where they could go to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roland has another nightmare and he finally calls Curt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the nightmare is too edgy LMAO, thought it fit the turmoil that Roland was going through.

Roland sat at his desk, thinking about none other than Curt. He wanted to contact him, but Curt was in a whole other country and he did not have his number. Roland thought about ways that he could try to get it. He finally thought of a friend who would have Curt’s number, he located his phone book and typed the number into the phone in his studio. 

“Thanks, I really appreciate your help.” Roland smiled and hung up the phone. He walked over to the small kitchen in his studio and took a water bottle out of the fridge. After taking a long drink, he glanced over to see that it was 7 pm, Curt would probably be asleep right now due to time zone differences. He frowned and leaned on the counter, doubt started appearing in his thoughts and the idea of Curt hating him made his eyes well up with tears.   
His good memories with Curt were now overshadowed by all the time he upset him. He couldn’t even eat right around him! Curt always said that he ate too loud and that made Roland sad. On the Seeds of Love album, Curt was completely overshadowed by both Oleta and Roland, of course Curt hated him! Roland could now feel wetness on his cheeks, he was crying. He rushed to the couch so he could at least be comfortable while he cried. Drying off his damp cheeks with his sleeves, he let out a small sigh. Why would he be crying? It was all his fault anyways! His fault Curt felt overshadowed, his fault Curt didn’t like to work with him, his fault Curt left wanted to get away from him so bad that he literally traveled to overseas to live. Roland’s silent cry turned into a moderate sob as he tried to suppress the pained sounds coming from his mouth, he dared not let his wife see him in this state, especially since it was about Curt. Roland laid down on the couch now, tears soaking into the pillow his head rested on. He silently cried out apologies to an invisible Curt until he eventually passed out from exhaustion and emotion.

Roland was waiting for Curt outside a nice restaurant, he made sure to dress nicely, nice pair of slacks and a plain dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Curt came into view and greeted him warmly.   
“Thanks for coming here on such a short notice.” Roland smiled at the other man.  
“Well, thank you for inviting me.” The two men walked into the restaurant and saw that it was noticeably empty. “Oh Roland, did you rent out this whole place?” Curt questioned with a chuckle.  
“No!” Roland replied, slightly relieved that no one else was there, “Must just be a nice coincidence!” The two laughed it off and sat at a table in the middle of the establishment.   
“So,” Curt spoke up “why did you call me?” Roland gulped and started to play with his sleeves. He tried to open his mouth but he was not confident enough to actually speak. His palms became sweaty and he tried to compose himself when Curt took Roland’s hands in his and smiled lightly.   
“Well I…” Roland stammered out “I have just been missing you really…” Curt’s eyes softened as they made intense eye contact with Roland’s. “I just think that I…” Roland hesitated on saying the second part of his sentence, Curt’s grip on Roland’s hands grew tighter, painful even. Roland winced at the pain from Curt’s grip and tried to tell him to stop. Curt’s hands loosened up but he stood up, still holding onto Roland’s hands so that he would get up too and proceeded to make an emotion fueled with pure hatred. Curt started to yell out incoherent things in Roland’s face at an ear piercing volume. Their surroundings started to disappear and soon all that was left was Roland, Curt and the void around them. Curt’s hands tightened around Roland’s again and tears started rolling down Curt’s face. Roland tried to talk to him but Curt was still going strong with his scolding, Roland started to sob and shake profusely. As soon as Roland started to breakdown, Curt stopped all that he was doing. Roland closed his eyes in fear of what to come, then Curt wrapped his arms around Roland.  
“I have something to say too,” Curt said with a soft voice “I fucking hate you.”  
Roland’s eyes snapped open only to see nothing, absolutely nothing. He was left alone in the void.

Roland woke up screaming and shaking, his eyes sporadically darted around his surroundings and his breathing was tattered. He heard rushed footsteps and Caroline soon burst into the studio and ran to him. She knelt so she could be at eye level with him and caressed his face gently, trying to assure him that he is in a safe place and that nothing was going to hurt him in an attempt to calm him down.   
“My lord, Roland you screamed bloody murder! What happened?” Caroline asked him in an obviously concerned tone. Roland finally caught his breath and tried to explain that he just had a bad dream. Caroline held his hand gingerly and stroked his hair, “Oh love, I’m so sorry that happened…” Caroline gave him a light kiss on the lips and consoled him some more.

The couple now sat at the table, Roland had a blanket around him to help him leave the shock he went into from that nightmare. The kettle started to yell and Caroline got up to pour themselves some tea to help calm their nerves. Caroline gently placed the cup in front of Roland and sat on the other side of the table. Roland pressed his hands on the cup and the heat helped him regain his senses. Caroline asked him what the nightmare was about, Roland hesitated on the answer due to the fact that it was basically a date with Curt gone haywire so he lied and said that he could not remember what it was exactly.   
“Well there goes the date we had planned…” Caroline frowned into her tea “but it’s fine, really, I would rather make sure that you were okay than to spend the evening in a restaurant. Roland internally grimaced at the idea of a restaurant and took a sip of his tea.  
“Thank you, dear” Roland meekly replied “I’m so sorry we couldn’t go…” Caroline explained again that it was okay and that there is always next time. Roland looked at the clock on the wall. 10 am, Curt is probably awake and unoccupied right now. Roland cleared his throat and told his wife that he was going to make a call, Caroline helped him get up and go to the studio.   
“If you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask me” Caroline looked at him sweetly and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Roland thanked her as she left the room. Roland searched for the paper he had written Curt’s number on but when he found it, his stomach sank to the ground. He felt sick just thinking about Curt after that dream. Did Curt really hate him that much?

After contemplating for a while, Roland finally built up the courage to actually call him. His hands were shaky as he reached for the phone, he put the cold receiver to his ear and took a deep breath. The slip of paper with Curt’s number on it stared back at him menacingly, the anxiety of calling the man that he essentially made run off rushed through his body. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, sucking up the pain. He started to type in the number, it felt like years just typing in the numbers but the phone finally started ringing. Roland’s heart raced as the ringing echoed through the receiver.   
“Pick up, pick up” he repeated to himself as he held onto the cord.   
The sound of someone picking up the phone appeared and Roland stood upright immediately.   
“Smith residence” a familiar voice rang through the ear piece. Roland nearly screamed at the sound of Curt’s voice but quickly regained his composure to answer.  
“Curt?” Roland’s voice cracked a bit. There was a short pause, Roland held his breath, thinking he would hear the bitter sound of the man on the other side hanging up.   
“Roland?”  
Roland let out a barely audible squeal, but quickly cleared his throat to reply with a soft “yes”. There was another pause, slightly longer than the previous one which made Roland really think Curt was going to hang up this time.   
“How did you get this number? Why are you calling me?” Curt finally said with a cold tone. Roland nearly choked on Curt’s words, maybe he shouldn’t have called him.   
“A friend gave it to me,” Roland started to explain “I’m so sorry if I bothered you or anything, I just really had some things eating me up inside regarding our friendship…” Roland hesitated on the next words “…or even lack thereof.”   
Another pause rang through the earpiece, okay now Curt’s really going on hang up.   
“Okay,” Curt finally spoke “what have you been thinking about?” Roland’s face grew hot, he didn’t think he would get this far. He cleared his throat again and tried to collect his thoughts from the past few days.   
“Well, I have been sort of fried these past few days and that made me kind of think that you were my sort of muse in a way.” Roland’s very insecure tone made Curt chuckle a bit, which luckily did not get heard on the other end. “I just want to be able to look at you face to face and be able to talk it out, only if you would want to of course.” Roland waited anxiously for Curt’s response.  
“How are we going to make it work?” Curt asked, a small inkling of laughter in his voice. Roland thought for a second, he never thought about how he would actually see him, he just kind of hoped Curt would spawn in his loving arms and profess his love to him.   
“Umm…” Roland hesitated “do you think I could be able to travel to New York to see you? I wouldn’t want to cause you any hassle just for my own sake.”   
“Sounds good, Ro.” Curt laughed “When will I be expecting you?”  
Roland nearly broke the phone with how hard he was clutching it, just thinking about Curt actually wanting to see him made his heart do back flips and other high energy acrobatics.   
“I…” Roland paused for a bit, how in the blue hell would he ever just tell Caroline that he would be going to New York? “…I will try to book a flight and be there as soon as possible, I will probably be there for about a week or so. I’ll give you a ring when I know the exact date.” Curt smiled at Roland’s sporadic thinking.  
“Sounds like a plan.” Curt replied  
“Thank you so much for listening to my banter, Curt.”  
“Right, well, if that is all, I hope you have a good rest of your day-” Curt was cut of by Roland’s immediate question.  
“Wait! Before you hang up, I just want to ask you this right now,” Roland swallowed the ball forming in his throat “Do… you hate me?” A pause hung in the air but was soon broken by Curt’s laughter.  
“Of course not, Ro!” Curt sighed with a smile “I wouldn’t have stayed on the phone this long with you if I did!” Roland’s heart rate quickly slowed down as a rush of relief ran through his body. “Now, if you don’t have anymore of your worrisome questions, I wish you a nice rest of your day.”  
“No! I don’t have anymore questions!” Roland anxiously laughed “Have a good evening, Curt.” The last thing Roland heard was a small chuckle and the click of Curt hanging up. Roland slumped against the nearest wall and slid down to the floor, letting the phone fall out of his hand and hang from the cord. His head dropped down to his knees and he let out the most relieving sigh ever. He lifted his head up and realized he basically was going to go on a week long date with his childhood best friend, shaky hands ran through his hair as he started to laugh a bit.   
“Love really is God’s mistake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter easily could've been two but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roland gets ready for his flight, Caroline helps. Roland boards the plane and finally lands in New York.

Roland stood in front of his closet, thinking about what clothes to pack. It was the night before he left for New York, it had been about a week since he first talked to Curt. After that call with Curt, he struggled a bit with trying to tell Caroline about the trip but eventually made up the excuse that he had to consult with a producer there. Caroline questioned why she couldn’t go with him but Roland retorted with something about plane tickets already being booked and all that. Roland offered to spend the last days he was in England with her on fun dates and nice dinners and Caroline eventually agreed after a small moment of light bickering.  
Roland started to over think his outfits, he wanted to look nice for Curt after all! Caroline entered the room and held Roland’s hips from behind.  
“Still trying to pack?” Caroline smiled up at him.  
“Yea,” Roland held her hands and pouted “mind helping me here?” Caroline accepted gleefully, a little fashion show would be nice for the last night he’d be here. 

In the end, the couple chose a little more than a week’s worth of clothes. Thanks to his wife, Roland was able to feel a little bit more confident about himself, and it wasn’t just the fact that Caroline basically turned into a cheerleader during that outfit showcase. The couple started to pack his bag and put any other necessities in it. When they finished, the two collapsed on the bed together and smiled at each other  
“I’m going to miss you, sweetie” Caroline turned to Roland and she ran her hand up his arm. Roland froze up a bit, they have not been very intimate with each other for a couple of weeks now. It doesn’t feel right to make love with his wife right before leaving to see a man he has had feelings for, for the longest time. Caroline reached over to kiss his neck and wrap her arm around him, this made Roland freeze up even more. Caroline noticed this pretty quickly and asked if he was okay, Roland just said that he was anxious about the flight and was tired. Caroline apologized and got off the bed to get ready to sleep. As soon as she left, Roland let out a sigh and got up as well. Thoughts bounced around in his head and he stared off into space as he thought about the trip to New York. What was going to happen during this trip? What was he expecting would happen when they saw each other? Some kind of romantic reunion ending in passionate sex between the two? Did Curt even think of Roland like that? Good and bad scenarios swirled in his mind until his wife reentered the room. Roland gave her a slightly forced smile and went into bed to sleep. Caroline joined him, Roland felt tension, not coming from Caroline but from himself. She had no idea about any of this and he felt guilty. Caroline fell asleep first and Roland fell asleep about an hour after she did, still thinking about what could possibly happen on that trip.

The next morning was filled with Roland rushing around the house, trying to eat breakfast and also trying to get dressed to go to the airport. Caroline helped him stuff his bags in their car and soon they arrived at the airport. They kissed goodbye at the entrance and parted ways, Roland went through airport security and eventually sat at the waiting lounge. He wrote down any ideas he had until the plane was finally ready to board. When he boarded the plane, a rush of anxiety washed over him, he started to think about if Curt forgot about the time and date he would arrive. Surely, Curt wouldn’t do that, he’s a very responsible man! Roland calmed himself down and eventually fell asleep on the plane. 

Roland was woken up by the plane landing, the pilot announced that it was Saturday and 5 pm in their new destination and Roland soon snapped himself out of his grogginess to retrieve his bag from the overhead storage. He went through security again and soon arrived at the area where travelers wait for their rides outside of the airport. A strong gust of cold wind slapped Roland in the face as he anxiously waited for Curt to arrive.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roland is waiting for Curt to pick him up, they finally meet and Curt takes him out for dinner.

Roland tried to fix his hair for the tenth time after the cold wind made it go everywhere. He was still waiting for Curt to arrive, it was nearing 7 pm, he had been standing there for about a half hour. Doubt began to creep up into his system as the minutes went by. Would Curt really just ditch him like that? He could be a little cheeky at times but would he really leave him stranded like this? Roland stood there for a little longer, he saw a car that looked like the one Curt said he would be in and his heart lit up and he almost yelled out to the driver but before it could escape his lips, he saw another person get into that car and they drove off. Roland’s bottom lip quivered a bit as he thought of just trying to go back inside and somehow board the next plane back to England.  
Before he left waiting area, another car caught his eye, this one matched Curt’s description too. Roland squinted through his sunglasses and tried to make out who the driver was. It was Curt! Roland instinctively yelled out to his friend, in hopes that he could get his attention, even waving his arms around like a mad man. People passing by looked a lot uncomfortable but Roland simply did not care, all he wanted at the moment was to see his best friend.  
Curt spotted him very quickly and chuckled to himself.  
“I better pick him up before he gets taken by security or something.”   
Curt waved back to Roland and parked at the nearest space. He speed walked to his car with luggage in hand and Curt got out to help him load it into the trunk. At the back of the car, Roland and Curt shook hands and did a typical “bro hug”. Roland tried to get into the driver’s seat at first, thinking it was the passenger’s seat, Curt laughed at him as he awkwardly went to the other side.   
“Always seem to forget that the cars in America are basically flipped.” Roland laughed as he put on his seat belt. Curt started the car and asked him how the flight went. “I assume it went well, I slept the whole time!” Both men laughed. “So,” Roland started “where are we going now?”   
“Well, since it’s 7 pm already, I was thinking about going out for dinner.” Curt explained as they waited in traffic. Roland felt butterflies go crazy in his stomach at the fact that Curt wasn’t just going to dump him at the hotel he booked. “Not sure if we will get through this in time for the reservation though” Curt frowned and pointed at the line of cars in front of them. “This is why I was so late, sorry if I worried you.”  
“A reservation???” Roland almost yelled “You didn’t need to make any big plans for this!”  
Curt turned to the long haired man, “It was the least I could do for you after you hauled your ass here just to talk to me!” He laughed and put his eyes back on the road while Roland still stared at him. His face grew hot as he processed the fact the Curt was actually happy to see him. Roland felt happiness that he hasn’t felt in months. The smile on his face quickly turned into a frown, he remembered the dream he had where they were in a restaurant. Curt noticed his concerned expression and asked if he was tired, Roland denied any tiredness and just said that he misses his wife a bit. A bit of an obvious lie but Curt fell for it.   
“Ahh, now you’re making me think I stole someone’s loving husband” Curt joked as Roland’s palms just became sweaty, this is going to be a hard trip.   
Eventually, they are in a more commercial area of the city. The sun is starting to set with beautiful pink and purple colors.   
“I don’t usually see sunsets like this” Roland said, a light smile emerging on his face.  
“Yea, they’re really pretty.”  
‘Not as pretty as you’, Roland thought to himself.  
They finally made it to the restaurant, it was about 8 pm and the sky was completely dark but the streets were lit by buildings and other lights. Curt and Roland made their way to the entrance, the building seemed smaller than the types of places Roland would take his wife but it seemed pleasant. Roland remembered that Curt also had a wife, did she even know about this? Roland asked Curt about his wife before they entered the building. Curt looked slightly hurt.  
“I don’t have one remember?” Curt put a hand on his chest and laughed “Did you really forget?” Roland’s face became red, no wonder he didn’t mention anything about a wife! Roland stammered but Curt explained that he did have a girlfriend. “She doesn’t live with me though.” Curt said, Roland apologized for assuming, he remembers now though that he did get divorced a few years ago, he must have been so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn’t remember! Curt said that it was fine if he forgot and some joke about how he would’ve wanted to forget it too. They finally entered the restaurant, Curt mentioned that he was friends with the owner of the place so it wasn’t too bad that they were late. They sat a booth that was next to a window, the establishment was reminiscent of a vintage American diner, not overtly fancy but Curt mentioned that reservations were usually made because it was packed all the time. Roland scanned the area, it was pretty full, they were lucky that they found a place to sit. They ordered their food and after the waitress left Curt asked about what Roland wanted to talk about. Roland fidgeted a bit with the napkin on the table as he tried to figure out what questions he could ask when they were surrounded in loud New Yorkers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, at this time, Curt did not have a wife! Something I was glad that I double checked but I still could be wrong lol


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roland and Curt talk about things and then they go to Curt's apartment.

Roland’s thoughts swam in his brain for a little bit longer until he finally thought of a question that was not about his romantic feelings towards Curt.   
“Did you feel… overshadowed on the last album?” Roland asked, trying to hold back anything questionable. Curt looked up for a second and thought. How would he answer Roland’s question? Wasn’t it fucking obvious? He left the studio in the middle of recording so many times because of the fact that he basically had nothing to do with the album! Roland didn’t even notice sometimes! Curt finally thought of a response that wouldn’t include him calling Roland an egotistical, perfectionist piece of shit.   
“Well of course I did!” Curt started “It didn’t feel like the two before that where both of us had our share of the spotlight on the album!” Roland looked into his eyes and nodded at all of Curt’s grievances, the pieces were all coming together and Roland started to understand why Curt left, he was a bit of a piece of shit. “But” Roland’s brain snapped out of his own self-loathing “I obviously don’t hate you, I wouldn’t hold a grudge like that, even if you sort of made our childhood dream some kind of personal endeavor” Roland felt relieved at the fact that Curt confirmed again that he did not want to just leave him out of his life forever.   
The waitress came back with their food and both of the men thanked her.  
“Thank you for explaining this to me” Roland said as Curt took a bite out of his hotdog. “I never really thought of it like that.” Curt nodded and wiped his mouth with a napkin.  
“Thanks for listening,” Curt took a sip from his drink “It’s better than you just being in the dark about how I felt. I don’t care too much about that anymore though, maybe I’m not built for super stardom like you are. You eat it all up!” Curt made a comical clawing gesture as Roland laughed into his drink.  
“Well thank you for not hating me.” Roland took a bite into his burger “This food is pretty good, way better than what Caroline usually makes, but don’t tell her that!” he joked.   
“How is your wife anyways?” Curt smiled. Roland nearly choked on his food, why did that joke come out? Roland internally prepared himself to answer his question.   
“She’s alright,” Roland remembered something that he forgot throughout the weeks he spent thinking about Curt “she’s… pregnant.” Curt’s eyebrows went up in surprise as he finished his food.  
“Wow, you’ll be a dad soon!” Curt congratulated Roland, but Roland felt bad for his wife now. She was pregnant! And he was out on a pseudo-date with his childhood best friend in another country! At this rate, everybody should hate him at least a little bit!  
The night went on for a bit longer as Roland finished his food and awkwardly responded to whatever Curt was saying. Soon they left the diner and went to Curt’s apartment, Roland was silent for the whole ride. He felt guilty. 

They arrived at Curt’s apartment, it was decorated with warmly colored décor and it felt very homey. Curt put his keys on a small coffee table and sat on the couch behind it. Curt invited Roland to sit next to him and watch whatever was on TV. The two caught up for a little bit and soon Roland built up the confidence to ask him the questions that have been running around in his mind for weeks. Doubt came back into his system as he started to think if this was too soon. Roland quickly snapped out of it. Too soon? What did he mean too soon? He had basically been in love with him since they were teenagers! If anything he was too late!  
“Curt, do you know why I came here?” Roland turned to him.  
“To talk about your inspirations and music, right?” Curt responded, he was still watching the TV in front of them.   
“Sort of,” Roland tried to calm down his heart rate, it felt like he was about to throw up his heart and the rest of his internal organs from all the anxiety he felt. “the past couple of weeks I was thinking… about, well, you of course, but also the…” Roland paused as Curt turned to him “…about the romantic feelings I had towards you.” Curt’s eyes widened as Roland said that. “Well, not exactly had but still have.” Roland anticipated Curt’s response to be fueled by disgust towards him but Curt didn’t look bitter at all, if anything he looked relieved. Curt sighed heavily and Roland could tell that the cogs were working overdrive in his brain right now.   
“Roland,” Roland’s heart skipped a beat “I used to feel the same way too.” Roland’s heart began to furiously beat in his ears, they both had feelings for each other this whole time? “I felt like it was kind of obvious that I liked you though.” Curt laughed “Did you barely realize this? I knew since the day we met!”  
“In retrospect, I definitely had but I just found out recently what those feelings were.” Roland responded, Curt shuffled towards him and put his hand on Roland’s.   
“I stopped having feelings for you a while ago, because I thought that it wouldn’t be possible. I was married to a woman and so were you, but now that I know you feel the same, those feelings might be coming back.” Curt looked at Roland with soft eyes, his lips parted slightly and his face inched closer to the other man’s. Roland was about to give in but something stopped him.   
“But don’t you still have a girlfriend?” Roland asked, his heart somehow beating even faster than before.  
“Oh, to hell with her.” Curt quickly closed the gap between their lips, Roland was caught off guard at both his response and his action, but quickly grew into the kiss. Curt’s hands traveled upwards and played with Roland’s hair, they both held each other close and the room stayed silent other than the sounds of light moans. The kiss soon broke, Roland didn’t know how to react, the thing that he had been subconsciously wanting for years upon years had just happened. Curt also did not know what to do, he has a girlfriend! Why did he just disregard her like just? Roland got up from the couch and walked to the door, Curt followed him, apologizing profusely at his own stupidity. Roland opened the door but stopped in the doorway to turn to Curt.  
“You don’t have to apologize,” Roland paused to think about how he would explain his conflicting feelings “I was just surprised, I’ll come back tomorrow.” Roland boldly gave Curt a quick peck on the lips and left, slightly in a hurry.   
Curt closed the door and slumped back on the couch, he felt like an idiot for just coming onto him like that, even if their feelings were mutual. Curt frowned at the spot where Roland sat, at least his hair was nice to touch, even if he straightened it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple of chapters will have more ~vulgar~ stuff but yknow, that's what the explicit category is for lol ^^


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roland and Curt go to a drive-in, the two end up in Roland's hotel room.

Roland woke up in his hotel room. It was Wednesday, him and Curt had been going on dates every night since Saturday, from movies to fancy dinners. It was pleasant and both men really enjoyed the time they spent together. They hadn’t gone further than kissing and cuddling because they were scared of what would happen if they went any further but they were still very much like a young couple in their puppy dog days. Roland’s heart fluttered at the thought of just being around Curt.   
Roland stared at the yellowish ceiling and smiled at the plans that they had today. It was very simplistic but Roland still beamed at the thought of it, they were just going to lounge in Curt’s apartment all day and then go to a drive-in movie that night. Roland finally got up from the bed, he stretched and looked around for his suitcase full of clothes, he wanted to find something comfortable but still nice looking. He finally settled for a light brown sweatshirt and some light colored jeans. Nice for the season.   
Roland walked out of the lobby, he blew hair away from the front of his face as the wind from the outside hit him after he opened the door. He couldn’t straighten it because Caroline would do that for him, so his hair was starting to go back to its curly self. Roland hailed a cab and was on his way to Curt’s apartment.  
Curt had just woken up, he was rushing around trying to make breakfast for him and Roland. He wanted to make it special for his boyfriend, Curt blushed at the fact that they were enough of a “thing” for him to be able to call Roland his boyfriend. Curt hurriedly got some bacon and eggs from the fridge, he was making a typical American breakfast, he thought Roland would like a pleasant surprise like that. He turned on the stove, set two pans in place and put the uncooked foods in their respective pans. While they cooked, Curt rushed to his room to pick out clothes to wear, he was still in pajamas and it would be the most embarrassing thing for Roland to see him in just boxers and an oversized shirt. The shirt wasn’t even fashionable, it was some souvenir from a local restaurant with a “graphic design is my passion”-esque print on it. Roland’s typical subtle posh fashion sense would cringe at Curt’s tacky American dad shirts. Curt eventually put on a wool sweater and some sweatpants that were nice enough to wear out.   
He heard a knock on the door as soon as he finished dressing himself, he grimaced and ran to the door to open it for his guest. Roland smiled brightly at Curt, his apartment door was on the outside of the building so the sun came in with Roland and a ring of warm light surrounded his head like a halo. Curt’s entire body stopped functioning after seeing the ethereal sight of his partner glowing from the sun, Roland stopped smiling and looked at Curt with worry. A warm hand touched Curt’s forehead and Roland asked if he was okay, Curt snapped out of it.  
“Yea I’m fine, you just look really handsome this morning.” Curt smiled and hugged him, Roland’s face got warm and he thanked him for the compliment.  
“So what’s that cooking?” Roland pointed to the kitchen as he closed the door, “Smells nice.” Curt made an odd guttural sound and raced to the kitchen to make sure the food hadn’t burnt. All good, just needed to flip the bacon, Curt sighed in relief. Roland followed Curt and wrapped his arms around his waist, Curt’s face went beet red as Roland planted soft kisses on his cheek.   
“Is this our breakfast?” Roland asked sweetly. Curt nodded and got out of Roland’s grasp to fetch the plates they would be eating on.  
After they finished their food, they sat on the couch, Roland’s head rested on Curt’s shoulder as they watched the cheesy cop show that was on TV. Curt admired Roland, his hand was playing with his hair gently, he always liked his curly hair.   
“Why did you straighten your hair?” Curt asked. Roland looked up at him and thought for second.  
“I honestly don’t know,” Roland chuckled “I think it was probably some kind of “I’m a changed man” type of thing.” Curt nodded and his eyes went back to the TV. 

Night came upon them after hours of quiet together time with occasional spurts of conversation and laughter. They arrive to the drive-in, Roland wasn’t too familiar with these types of places but Curt said that they were enjoyable so he took his word for it. The movie that they were going to watch was a horror movie, Roland had chosen it, he didn’t want to be cliché but it was the season and it would be cute to have Curt hold onto him in fear like how it is in those lame romance movies. Curt left the car for a bit to get some food for them. Roland sank into his seat with content, these past few days have been some of the best he’s had in a while. He smiled at the memories him and Curt made together but then remembered that tomorrow would be his last full day with him, he had to leave the day after tomorrow first thing in the morning. He soon had to abandon all of this and go back to his wife. He was shocked at the fact that he dreaded going back to his own wife! The woman he’s known for years upon years! Roland’s mood started to dampen for moment until Curt came back with their snacks, his smile was enough to erase all his negative thoughts, or at least push them far enough into his subconscious to forget what he was even thinking about.  
“I didn’t think you’d chose this kind of movie, love.” Curt said, Roland’s heart jumped at the fact that Curt called him “love”, they used some nicknames throughout these days but that one hit him differently. It felt very much like they had been doing this for years, it felt right. Roland cleared his throat and said something about choosing the movie because it was October.   
As the movie progressed and the couple ate through their popcorn, Roland’s thoughts went back to his wife. The gore and horror that flashed on the screen were nothing in comparison to Roland thinking about how bad things would be if his wife found out about what essentially was an affair. Some kind of jump scare must have popped up because Curt squeaked and held onto Roland’s arm. His thoughts ran back into his subconscious again with Curt’s sudden movement, his first instinct was to stroke his face and laugh a little bit. They didn’t show much PDA but it was very dark so it would’ve been hard to see them. Curt asked how Roland wasn’t scared of the movie and Roland just said some excuse about him knowing that it’s all just props and movie magic. Both of the men laughed and went back to the movie.  
They drove back to Roland‘s hotel, talking about the movie and what they were going to do tomorrow.  
“It is our last day, technically.” Curt pouted a bit, it was obvious that both men wanted to stay together.   
“Do you know any other good places?”  
“There’s this hill that has a nice view.” Curt was now in the hotel parking lot, looking for a space.  
“Like some kind of make out hill?” Roland laughed.  
“Well it doesn’t have to be like that!” Curt found a spot and parked the car. “It could just be some nice star gazing.” The men exited the car and entered the hotel. They arrived at Roland’s room, he figured it would be nice to have him there for change, even if it’s just for a little bit. They sat on the bed for a little bit spending a small moment of silence together. Roland’s hand crept up on Curt’s, they held hands for a little bit until they finally decided to kiss. Eventually, they fell completely on the bed, hands going everywhere and statements of love were being thrown around. Curt’s hands went up Roland’s shirt and he shivered at his cold touch grazing against his nipples. Roland moaned into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Curt, he didn’t want this to stop but, it somehow felt too soon. Curt broke the kiss and positioned himself in between Roland’s legs, both men felt growth in their pants as the sexual tension in the air grew. They both were hesitant to go further, they hadn’t done it with each other before and both men could feel the guilt rise up in their systems.   
“Do you want to do anything more?” Curt asked Roland softly. Roland lightly nodded and Curt took this as the go ahead to unzip his pants. He massaged Roland’s dick through the light fabric of his boxers, Roland’s breath hitched as Curt took it out of the boundaries of his underwear and started to gently stroke it. Roland wanted to return the favor so he lowered Curt’s pants (there were no zippers on sweatpants after all!) and tried to take his partner’s dick out. Curt yelped at the sudden stimulation and started to essentially fuck Roland’s hand. Both men proceeded to pleasure each other as the room filled with their moans and cries of pleasure. Curt declared at he was about to climax and Roland nodded after Curt asked if he was going to as well. Their strokes got sloppy and quick as they both reached their peak, strings of white met at Roland’s bare stomach. Both were left panting as Curt fell to Roland’s side.   
“I love you so much.” Curt kissed him but eventually ended the kiss to clean up Roland. He chuckled at Curt’s embarrassed apologies about the fluids almost hitting his clothes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex and angst, in that order!

It was the night before Roland left. There was light bitterness in the air due to both men not wanting any of this to end.  
Curt’s car was parked at the top of the hill he mentioned the day before, they both stared at the moon and held each other close in the backseat of Curt‘s car.   
“It‘s nice that I have a convertible,” Curt joked “it would’ve killed the mood if we had to try to cuddle in between all the… car mechanisms.” he signaled to the front part of the car with a shooing motion, Roland laughed. The two men faced each other, the sexual tension grew thick as the clock that counted down Roland’s time here ticked. They closed the gap between their mouths and proceeded to make out like it was their last day alive, because to them, it really felt like it. They didn’t know how far they would go. All they could think of was being in the moment because thinking about the days coming would be devastating.   
Clothes were promptly taken off and soon, the two were just in their underwear, the cool air against their bare chests made them shake but they were immediately warmed up by each other. Mouths met again as the men held onto each other, Roland broke the kiss which startled Curt a bit, thinking he had done something wrong but he was instantly relieved when Roland asked if it was okay to keep on going.  
“Of course,” Curt panted “as long as you’re okay with it as well.” Roland then let Curt lay on his back as he slid down his torso to grab the firm bulge that was steadily growing in Curt’s boxers. He let his dick free from the fabric and introduced it to his warm mouth. Curt almost screamed at the immediate pleasure and his hands shook and hovered over Roland’s head. Roland’s mind fogged with thought of doing even more with Curt, he wanted nothing more right now then to finalize their relationship, even if it was just for this night. Roland took Curt’s dick out of his mouth with a gasp, leaving Curt shaking like a leaf.   
“Curt, my love,” Roland started “please fuck me, that’s all I want right now…” Curt’s entire body heated up and manic butterflies ran laps around his stomach. Roland sat and rested against the other side of the car, welcoming Curt to take him.   
“Are you serious…?”  
Roland nodded, Curt hurried to his side and took Roland’s face into his hands and planted a quick kiss on his lips. He proceeded to remove both of the lingering items of clothes from each other and knelt in front of entrance, he took a deep breath and asked Roland if this is what he really wanted.   
“It’s something I have been wanting for what feels like an eternity.”  
Curt took another deep breath, took one of Roland’s thighs into his hands and proceeded to push himself inside of Roland. Roland held his breath and winced at the initial pain, this scared Curt and he asked if he was okay and if he should stop, Roland made sure that Curt knew that he was okay. Curt pushed himself further into him as Roland’s breath became tattered. Curt stayed still for a moment but started to thrust in and out slowly, Roland wrapped his arms around his lover and braced himself. Curt lowered himself to where they were both practically stuck to each other. Roland hid his face in his hands and moaned at every movement of Curt’s hips. Curt gently tried to remove Roland’s hands from his face.  
“Please let me see your face…” Curt whimpered, Roland complied and didn’t fight back at Curt’s attempts to look at his face, it was embarrassing to him but he would do anything for Curt. The sweat from each other’s bodies gleamed in the moon light and they were soon at their body’s breaking point. They moaned each other’s names as they embraced, Curt stroked Roland’s dick and he encouraged him to climax with him. Right before Curt finished, he took himself out of Roland and took his own dick into his free hand, stroking both with each hand. Roland tried to say something but was struggling due to all the pleasure he was experiencing.   
“Curt,” Roland attempted to speak in the midst of his moans “I just want you to know that… whatever happens after this, just know, I love you too!” Roland reciprocating the “I love you” Curt had told him last night was the final thing that made Curt and Roland climax together and fall onto each other. They laid there for a minute and eventually got up to clean up and put their clothes back on. Something in a nearby bush rustled as they got back up to the front seats, Curt shrieked but it was luckily just a squirrel. They laughed it off and put on their seat belts and drove off.  
“Looks like we had an audience!” Roland joked.  
“Oh my god- shut up!” Curt playfully punched him in the arm. The drive back to Roland’s hotel was filled with laughter and smiles, they both felt like they ruled the world.   
Roland gave Curt a small kiss before they parted. Roland fell onto his bed and smiled like a madman, he felt like he had nothing plaguing his subconscious and that he had started a blooming relationship.   
But that wasn’t the case. He had to leave tomorrow, he had to leave all of this behind him and lie to his wife about the fact that he just had the best week of his life and that he felt like a whole new person. How could he just not profess his new found love to the world? Regret started to fill his mind and he started to shake.   
How could he! How could he just go on and cheat on his wife like it was nothing! As if the years they’ve been together didn’t matter! As if the child growing in her didn’t matter! Roland started to sob, he didn’t know how to feel, he felt like his chest was collapsing and he couldn’t breathe. He tried to regain his composure but it felt impossible due to the conflict in his morals.  
Curt sat on his bed, he thought about the whole week and his eyes stung with tears at the thought of Roland leaving, as well as the fact that he made excuse after excuse to his girlfriend just to spend the week with Roland! He felt guilty, he felt wrong, he felt dirty. His breathing became compromised as he choked on his sobs. The phone in his room rang, he thought it was Roland so he raced to the phone but the Caller ID said otherwise, it was his girlfriend. He let out an agonized cry at the fact that he just committed a terrible deed and the fact that his girlfriend had absolutely no idea what had been going on.   
Roland calmed himself down and composed his thoughts, he paced around the room and looked out the window. He didn’t know what would happen next and he feared what the consequences would be for this trip. Whatever his fate was, he had to come to terms with it.  
“And if it’s written in the stars, that’s fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaa I'm kinda sad that the fic is about to end, I hope the last chapter isn't that much of a bummer ^^;


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roland and Curt depart.

The day had finally come, it was Friday and Roland had started to pack his things up first thing in the morning. Curt waited in the lobby for Roland to finish so that he could drive him to the airport, something that he dreaded with all his being, but it had to happen eventually.   
The men got into the car and drove in silence for nearly the entire trip but eventually spoke.  
“Curt,” Roland started, Curt’s hands tightened around the steering wheel “I love you, and I…” Roland took a deep breath, trying to hold back any tears “I don’t know if we could ever have something like this ever again but I just want you to know that this has been the best week of my life, and calling you was probably the best thing I’ve done in a long time.” Curt couldn’t hold back any longer, he started sobbing profusely, Roland joined him. They cried because of the fact that they would never be able to experience love like this again and because they had both broken promises that they had made to their respective “legitimate” significant others.  
They calmed down by the time they arrived at the airport, they found a spot where Roland could be dropped off. Before they got out of the car, they kissed for the last time. They felt like nothing else was around them, just them and a void. They didn’t care if people saw them, all they wanted was to have their final moment together, before they had to let go of the love that they have had for each other for as long as they had known each other. The kiss broke as Curt began to cry again.  
“I know it could never work out…” Curt said in between sobs “but I know that the love we have for each other is real, there are no boundaries… but we can never have anything like this ever again…” Roland wiped the tears away from Curt’s face and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.   
“I know… it was great while it lasted…” Roland got out of the car and Curt followed after he dried the rest of his tears, they got Roland’s luggage out of the trunk. Roland hugged Curt as tight as he could for a moment and spoke in his ear.   
“This wont be goodbye, but see you soon, my bright shining sun.” Roland smiled at Curt “You are the Sun to my Moon, please just remember that.”  
Roland took all of his bags and proceeded to the entrance of the airport. He turned back to see Curt in his car watching him leave, he gave him a warm smile and waved.   
Roland waited in the lounge area for his plane to start boarding passengers. After a while of him writing and doodling, the plane finally was finally ready to board passengers. Roland boarded the plane, he took a look out the window and sighed. He flipped through his small notebook and came across the pages where he was sorting out his thoughts on his odd dreams, he smiled at the crude scribble of Curt as the Sun.   
‘Goodbye my friend,’ Roland thought ‘will I ever love again?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Leave requests or suggestions for other TFF fics or whatever in the comments! Sorry if the ending was a bummer :'/


End file.
